Grab a pack of tape,
some binding rope and a padlock.
Gather some bricks for good measure.
Find a crawl space hidden from view,
stuff it with years of experiences,
prepare to forget, forget, forget.
If the weight on your shoulders is too much
use rope to bind it until it bulges out,
apply force where necessary.
When your truth still won’t fit,
keep cramming until it takes shape.
Think yourself a processer, force it to conform.
Find the mouths that scream out,
choke them with tape.
Leave no space to breathe. Snuff it out.
As they gnaw their way through
apply more and more and more and mo-
don’t stop. Don’t let them shout.
If you run out of tape gag them with lies,
fill their mouth with toxicity,
do not dare let them speak aloud.
When the honesty starts to flit between consciousness,
awake, asleep and gone,
take heart that your job is almost done.
Your confessions may try to play on your good side,
remember that it has no place in your life.
Remember, you are your best side.
When the life in its eyes finally dims,
breathe a sigh of relief that the task is complete.
Cover the hole and get ready to be free.
Push heavy against the door,
do not let this beast out, it cannot escape.
Snap the lock shut and swallow the key.
If you worry that the truth will come out,
take the bricks and lay them neatly,
leave no room for suspicion.
Use saliva as concrete,
tell yourself ‘this is you now’.
The body underneath is no one you know.
When you are sure that it has gone,
that the words screaming you awake are silenced
leave and never look back.
Do not revisit the crawl space,
do not remind yourself of what you could have been.
This is you now and it is perfect.
The history that piled high on your shelf
is no longer an ocean drowning you,
you have resurfaced… breathe.
Go out into the open and learn,
study people meticulously,
steal their smiles, have them take center stage.
Take your best paint set and your finest brushes,
ready yourself at the mirror.
Paint a smile that will never crack
never look back,
never look back,
never look back.
-A.Webb (second draft)