Hey Fat Roland! S01E02


I was in an episode of Hey Fat Roland!, a new podcast by Manchester spoken-word legend and all around funny-man Fat Roland! It has absolutely outraged Nicholas Royle, Man-Booker prize longlisted Wyl Menmuir, host of VerboseMCR Sarah-Clare Conlon and me!

I get stuck in a dark pit of despair about teachers that I promise doesn’t actually represent my feelings towards teachers (teachers are great!). If you like what you’re hearing check all of the people interviewed out and go along to Fat Roland’s incredible spoken word night, Bad Language! A monthly night at The Castle Hotel, Oldham Street, Manchester.

Click here for the podcast, share it and let Fats know what you think!


What phone d’ya have?

It’s like sooo totally cool
how you have like
an old people phone!
It’s awesome how it
like doesn’t have facebook!
Does it even have internet?

What’s that?
Your phone like broke?
This is just a replacement
because repairs are expensive?
Oh wow that is so thrifty!
You are like the coolest!

-Alex W. (Super serious first draft)

Status Update.

I am far, far more ignorant
than I’d really let you believe.
I nod my head,
solely instinct,
just to fit in.
I’ve trained myself to share updates,
raging about our country’s state
‘it’s 2016 people!’
screaming at screens,
backlit-brains burnt
out. Feast on trends.
I am a social justice man,
care about things, issues, people.
Ask me to name them?
Sorry, that’s not my department
I only deal in keyboards,
don’t rate that activism stuff.

-Alex W. (First draft for NaPoWriMo 16/30)

Algebraic Love Formulae.

I need you
like x needs y,
so I’ll write a line showing
just how much x really needs y.
Now I’ll make a comparison,
I’m x
you’re y.

I need you
like x needs y.
(Repetition to hammer the point home).
Awkward alliteration aligned alongside
metaphors clumsily strewn throughout
like wrinkled clothes on a washing line.
Mix up similes and metaphors,
hope you won’t notice.
Notice that I’m losing my mind because…

I need you
like x needs y.

-Alex W.